Authority

Authority is that aspect of love which parents present to their children; parents know it is love, because to them it means continual self-denial, self-repression, self-sacrifice: children recognise it as love, because to them it means quiet rest and gaiety of heart. Perhaps the best aid to the maintenance of authority in the home is for those in authority to ask themselves daily that question which was presumptuously put to our Lord––"Who gave Thee this authority?"

~ Charlotte Mason Vol. 3 pg 24

Authority. I'm going to venture to say that most people have major issues with authority these days. It is a vital establishment that must be in place within the family. In the church, we must realize who our authority has come from. GOD! God created an amazing world when he said "Let there be..." and it was done. When God was finished, he said, "It is very good!" God has given us an amazing task and immense responsibility as parents for our children. How dare I put myself above my children! How dare I put my desires before their own! God sent his son to earth, to sacrifice himself for us! He adopted us into his family, we are his children and he put our needs and desires above his own when he watched his son being nailed to the cross.

Self-denial ~ "If any man come after me, let him deny himself. Take up his cross and follow me, to life eternal everyday."
Self-repression ~ Repress that anger mom!
Self-sacrifice ~ Maybe a career right now is not the best for my family. And many other sacrifices.

I know what these mean for me, do you know where these have had to come into your life?

I've been reading (and re-reading) Macaulay's For the Children's Sake and have tried to read other CM books including her volumes. Now, please correct me if I am completely off course with this thinking, but give me time to explain and then give it time to ponder these things yourself.

Many times, parents are told, "Your children don't need a friend, they need you to be their parent." Excuse me, but my children don't need a friend?! Of course they do! A true friend would not allow one to get away with something that could damage them, or is blatantly wrong. A true friend will state when something needs to change (even down to the silly little outfit), all in love. A true friend will stand by your side when you're going through life's toughest trials. A true friend will guide you through the darkness. When I think about the gifts that a true friend can bring to a relationship, that is what we are for our children. God has placed us in authority over our children, but we are not to practice mean authority, placing rules over our children that we want to implement, life how we think it ought to be played out. We need to take a careful examination of God's word and how he wants life to be. We need to pay close attention to our children and who God created them to be. When God placed that tiny little heart into our care, he placed a huge responsibility on our shoulders ~ ironicly so, that he wants to help us bare! From my recent readings, I have come to the conclusion that my children are my friends. I am THEIR friend. I am to be their earthly guide, showing them the path to righteousness, the path that is the Bible ~ GOD's WORD. Children are also given a responsibility within God's words "Children obey your parents, in the LORD, for this is right." IN THE LORD are the key words! In the Lord we are to be guiding our children and teaching them the ways of this world, IN THE LORD! We cannot simply state that they must obey us "because I say so." They need to understand that we are their parents and that they are to obey us. But at the same time, I believe that for a child to grow into wisdom, they need to have some explanations as to why they should or should not do something, why they might be receiving this or that punishment. We are disciples to our Lord, and they are desciples to him, through us at the moment.

I stated that my children are my friends as well. We, as the parent, are guiding them and they have a responsibility to obey us. However, at the same time, I believe that we have a responsibility to listen to them. Take time to really listen to the children when they are speaking! Take time to hear what the problem is and sort it out. Or, take time to listen when they have something serious to say. One day, last year, my son took me aside (during an obvious stressful moment during my day) and wanted me to sit down. He wanted me to stop and think on the things of the Lord, the things in God's word. God was using this child to speak to me in a time of unnecessary anxiety. "Mom," he said, "please read Proverbs with me." He took me to the verses that state that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord. We have not forced down his throat the Word of God, he hears it read at night, he reads it on his own at quiet time, he is soaking it in himself and he knew the right time to wake me up! He knew the right time to be my friend and take a turn to be the guide. Now, thankfully, that is a rare occassion, but never-the-less, God used him.

In conclusion, go, love your children, be their friend! Let God be the guiding force for you both, and continually ask yourself, "Who gave me this authority in the first place?"